A Moment in Sarcoma from Johanna

l Moments in Sarcoma

Laguna Beach, California

Statistics

As a scientist
when I first became ill
I obsessively asked my doctors
for the numbers:
What is the survival rate
at 2 years? 5 years?
How many
are alive
10 years out?
The doctors gave me numbers:
80%, 30%, 65%, 72%, 20%
I was possessed
by the statistics
Maybe this study is newer
Maybe the treatment approach differed
Maybe this sample was contaminated
No matter the number
I kept asking.

Then one day
I found the perfect answer
the one true answer
heavier than lead
lighter than air
more precious than gold

Sitting in the office
of the sarcoma specialist
in a moment of grace
I gazed past the doctor
toward his kind-faced nurse.
Tell me, Susan, I said,
Is there a chance
I will dance
at my grandson’s
bar mitzvah?

Her eyes perfectly
untroubled
gazed back.
Life is so
Unpredictable, she said.
Go buy a dress.

Please support International Sarcoma Awareness Week: July 18-26, 2009.